Losing to win!

Last week was so bad that I couldn’t even bare to write - a first for me.  Usually when things get tough, all I want to do is write write write it out - but I couldn’t. The past month has been particularly rough but it was probably at its worst last week.

The lesson: If I plan for anything, I should plan for my plan to be derailed, at least a bit.

I don’t know if that makes any sense - but I have found in my life that planning is not exactly the useful tool that others people make it out to be.  I work best with a clear goal and a rough idea of how I’m going to accomplish it - far from the detail that a “plan” entails.

The truth: When I make plans, God laughs.

So I interviewed for a position last week that I was SURE that I would get.  Well maybe not sure - but I was quite confident that I’d get the position.  And because I was so confident about getting the position, which would have started today, I started to plan on how I would use the money I’d get from this position.  God must have thought that was a riot.  I didn’t get the position and it sent me on a spiral that led me to experiencing one of the lowest points I’ve had in many years, which lead me to me pigging out on an Entenmann’s brownie and Haagen Dazs Vanilla Honey Bee ice cream. (Both are so good!)

At my WW meeting last week, which took place the day before the bad news and tasty therapy, we talked about emotional eating. I mentioned that ice cream was my comfort food of choice (brownies come in a close second and are usually more of a monthly craving, if you know what I mean) and I got some great suggestions for substitutes, including the Weight Watchers smoothies (only 3 points - and can be made to be as creamy as you want) and tea.  The girl that suggested tea said it was soothing and comforting to drink something warm, and certain kinds of herbs have soothing properties.  Now none of that about the smoothies and about tea was news to me but it never occurred to me to try them in place of my brownies and ice cream therapy… a great idea.  If only I had remembered it the next day, when I got the bad news about that job! But I do believe it was what I needed. Usually when I seek brownie and/or ice cream therapy I feel bad afterward - but not last week.

The lesson: There are times when indulging is OK.

Since then, I’ve been drinking A LOT of tea…

When it comes to weight loss, they say that planning is helpful: planning to exercise, planning what you’re gonna eat, etc.  I’ve been trying to lose weight for a long time and so I already know - planning when it comes to weight loss DOES NOT WORK for me.  It makes sense that planning would be helpful - not just in weight loss, but in life generally.  The whole “if you fail to plan, you plan to fail” idea - it’s logical. But planning doesn’t work for me.  In every single area of my life, I’ve always excelled when I didn’t plan ahead too much,  but merely pursued my goal with an idea of what I’d need to do next in order to accomplish it. I have yet to let that way of operating work for me in terms of weight loss. I’ve found myself feeling insecure about reaching my goals and so a plan seems to help me feel secure - until I slip off plan - which is when I’d get discouraged and give up.

But no more of that! As with all other areas of my life, I just need to take this weight loss thing one step at a time, and focus on what I need to do next.  I’ve been walking more, which I believe will be helpful. I’ve been cleaning more which will be helpful because it’s necessary, it’s exercise and it will ultimately create room for me to work out at home. But I can’t get all the behavior changes down at once. I can strategize for the days when life throws me off track. I can go with what I know will be best for me and what I know I need in the moment.

The truth: When it comes to weight loss, and the job hunt, and everything else in life, my plan is God’s plan.