Losing to win!

First thing this morning, I looked at a picture a friend of mine posted of us on Facebook from her birthday celebration Saturday night.  And while I love the picture - I’m flanked by two of my favorite people, all smiles and nightclub sunshine from celebrating my girl, Grey Goose and good music - I HATE MY FACE in the picture! Ugh.

I’m not comfortable with my face.  It’s not even about my body (even though of course it’s about my body too). But my particular discomfort is with my face.  I find some people’s facades get a downgrade with a weight gain and some don’t.  I, unfortunately, am very much the former.

Recently I came across a picture of me from 2003 - 5 years and 30 lbs ago - and I marveled at how much slimmer my face was. And prettier, frankly. Ugh. Also, I recently read my astrological profile from some website and the reading said, plainly, that while I’m the type of person that has a tendency to be fuller in shape (Tauruses tend to be) being overweight goes against the image I try to project.  It’s true!

Sidebar: I just heard the nuttiest thing on The Biggest Loser! Phil vomited from his workout and Jillian says, “if you’re not puking, you’re not working out hard enough.” I know it was a joke - but damn! I can’t stand her! But I digress.

About the image I try to project: I’d say I was a bit trendy but I definitely can be a bit unique too when it comes to the things I wear and I’d like to wear. And it’s very often that I see something I’d love to wear and it doesn’t come in my size and there isn’t an equivalent in my size. This is often the case when it comes to shoes: my calves are too big to fit into the fabulous knee boots I’d love to wear and my feet have spread and I can’t rock the dainty stilettos like I used to.  I also like streamlined looks - pencil skirts, skinny jeans, structured tops and things of that sort - and I wear them, but I know I’d look much better in them at a size 6!

So I’m not comfortable with my face. I had this in mind as I got ready for work and of course, I got uncomfortable with my general appearance. My outfit was cute and well put together (wine colored three quarter sleeve jacket with ruffles in the front and on the edge of the sleeves, with a cinched waist and a bubble hem, black tee under, black wide leg pants and bronze colored shoes.) but I STILL didn’t feel comfortable in my clothes. I put on my mark lipgloss in Hot - a shade aptly named - and STILL wasn’t comfortable! Got to work (oh yea, I got a temp gig!) and had a discomforting morning with my work. And then came lunch.

This is where it got better, and then worse. Better because I ran to eat comfort food (Steakhouse sandwich from Au Bon Pain and potato wedges with BBQ sauce from KFC… yum!) and it did the trick for like an hour or two - and then the guilt set in.  I felt wrong about eating what I had eaten and felt like giving up.  This feeling combined with a less than great interaction on the job (ugh ugh) and some domestic issues made me feel SO DISCOMFORTED with my life - until just now.

The Biggest Loser rocks! It made me feel a bit better about my situations and my weight loss progress by throwing the contestants into activity designed to make them have to deal with discomfort. Some dealt with it better than others - but watching Colleen get up on that high landing (she’s afraid of heights!) was inspiring. She dealt with her discomfort, followed through on the task and that made her a success. It reminded me that life will bring discomfort - even if that discomfort is created by your own thoughts - but discomfort is NOT a reason to give up!

Things may not be so great at the moment but they will change. Meanwhile, I am very comfortable with the idea of being a success!

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