Losing to win!

The past few weeks of my life have been a bit tumultuous and distracting (hence the blogging hiatus).

I found out I failed the bar exam almost two weeks ago - and the things that seemed a bit topsy turvy got totally turned on the head! I guess things needed to be shaken up though, because the bad news forced me to re-examine my major goals, the things I’m currently doing and the path I’m taking towards my success.

The re-examination has made me face up to the fact that Weight Watchers just isn’t working for me anymore.

I’m not saying that Weight Watchers isn’t a fabulous program and I am definitely not saying that it doesn’t work. I think the program is great and I know that it works because it DID work for me.  Now if you take note of the word in the previous sentence written in caps, you might notice that the word is the past tense of the verb “do.” And as the past tense of a word shouldn’t be used to talk about something in the present, what worked in the past shouldn’t be used as a clear indication of what will work in the present. It did work once upon a time, but as I have tremendously changed as a person since 2001 (when I lost 30 lbs on Weight Watchers) what I need has changed tremendously too.

So I’m trying out Dr. Ian Smith’s 50 Million Pound Challenge. There’s a 30 day meal plan that seems relatively easy to follow so far - well except today - I was all kinds of off today. It’s easy because while it is clear about what you should be eating each day, there is a bit of flexibility too - enough to be able to fit it into my random style of eating (the style that lead me to believe Weight Watchers was the best way to go). I can see how the plan is actually designed to teach someone exactly how they should be eating. So we’ll see what happens. Frankly - I know what I should be doing - but how to do it is another story.

I read somewhere recently (and I wish I remembered where) that if taking a clear step towards success makes you feel uneasy, its an indication that it’s probably the right thing to do.  Nothing gets accomplished when you stay inside your comfort zone. I think Weight Watchers became my comfort zone - I was WAY too familiar with the program - but with no results. The idea of actually following through with the 30 day meal plan gives me butterflies in the stomach!

Talking about butterflies - I was all a flitter when I came across my goal dress:

Last week on the Biggest Loser, Colleen (who got kicked off that week) was able to fit into a shirt she brought with her to the ranch as an anchor for reaching her goal.  It was so inspiring to see how far she came during her time on the show, and to see her fit into that shirt (which was so cute)!  Now the idea of fitting into something after losing weight isn’t new - but the things I’ve been using haven’t been so… special. They were cute but nothing to go crazy over. But then, browsing around on a break at work I came across the above… and then came the butterflies.  I have absolutely nowhere in mind to wear the dress… I just want to fit into it… (first things first though - because I have to order it!)

More on butterflies later, I think.  They’re a pretty important symbol for me.

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